make the robots do it.

Before we start, I understand there is an ethical issue with AI. We don't want to be wasting water to cool data centers. (I had to have someone explain that to me like I am five.) We don't want to take away the human elements of our work. We don't want to take away a job from someone else.

Unless the job is the mental load.

If you haven’t heard this term before, buckle up.

The mental load signifies the amount of “background tabs” a parent has running through her head until it hits the pillow.

For example - You might see a mom calmly nursing her baby. What you don’t see is the mental load of her questioning how many ounces baby is getting. Or which side she nursed on. Or when the next pediatrician appointment is. Or when is best to start introducing solids. The mental load is a constant cycle of rumination. This leads the way into the feeling that we aren't doing enough. It is a root cause of extreme stress that leads to burnout, anxiety, depression, and loneliness.

So here is where I think we can (ethically) ask the robots.

I will recommend that you always double check the work before blindly following whatever the robots reply. This is especially true when you are training your robot. You will need to provide prompts that will eventually be learned and generate better answers for your own circumstances.  It also needs to be said that the robots are combing the internet for the most popular responses, which aren’t necessarily the best. Always ask for the resources and double check the work. Please visit the websites and support the original poster. (More on this later)

I posted a poll over on my Instagram (instagram.com/themomtrainer) and asked my friends to share their favorite ways to use AI to reduce the mental load.

Here's my favorites:

1. Booking travel and vacation(especially for buying plane tickets.)

   
   

   I recently booked our summer vacation using AI. I asked the robots to find an ideal spot within a driveable distance. It found us a hotel, activities, kid-friendly restaurants, and all within the parameters of naptimes and age ranges. 

   
   

. *** However, this automatically sent us to a site disguised as a hotel chain we frequented and this added a significant fee. So I would recommend you book anything in a different browser or device. Always double check your work and ensure everything is actually refundable and can accommodate your family's needs.

2. Meal planning

 I've written several posts on how I plan, but I know these tips won't work for everyone.

You can tell your AI where you shop, what foods your family will or won't eat, and it will spit out meals and recipes within whatever prep/cook times you prefer. This isn't an area I love using AI for because I like to look in my pantry and just figure it out. However, if I get bored and uninspired, we use this. I do ask for the link to the recipe so I can use the website and the creator gets credit. Feel free to include these tips and leave a comment if they helped. If you want a sample prompt on how I do this, please let me know and I'll share mine.

3. Scheduling

If you are like me and don't understand how time works, this will help you. I personally LOATHE the mental gymnastics I have to do every day to get us out of the door on time. I had my gem create a schedule using the time the kids get off the bus and the recipes I had asked it to provide for the week's meal plan.

 I uploaded a document of all of the after school activities, when / how long it takes to pickup the baby from daycare, and our ideal bedtimes.

I shit you not, I could use this every day. It gave me a full schedule.

I now put these into alarms on my phone to stay on track. I literally just follow the alarms and we hit our 8:30 bedtimes. Do the kids always comply? Of course not. But now I have a target to aim for.

You can also use this to create an optimal bedtime routine that includes showers, homework, playtime. Or to create a weekend plan of solo parenting that includes local events and preferred activities centered around naptimes. If you are an ADHD-er this executive-function assistant will greatly help you so you aren’t overwhelmed with all the constant mom math. 

4. Party planning

For example:

"find me a venue for a 8 year old birthday party within 20 minutes of my house that will host a party of 10-12 kids for under $500"

Yup.

You can also ask for party games, favors, ideal time windows for your age-ranges, and tablescape ideas. One of the moms from my kid's soccer team had AI create a logo for their team and had it printed on baseball cards. I'm sure you could create posters and various giveaways using this as well. Many people are using nanobanana (google) for extremely specific coloring pages and avatars used for their kiddos. 

Honestly, this is where I think Ai will replace common internet searches the most. If you are tasked with finding the perfect venue for a baby shower, AI can be your assistant. Be as specific as possible when prompting your robot here so you can narrow your search.

5. Dealing with your shit ex-partner or toxic people.

Hear me out, the robot is not your therapist. But you can absolutely prompt AI to reply to a nasty email in a calm, professional manner. One of my friends input her communications from her loser ex husband and had AI create a spreadsheet of his manipulative, gaslighting, and violent responses. This was used as evidence to the court without her having to dig through and guess. How validating?!

You can also use AI to reply or create an email that greyrocks you from a difficult person. (Greyrocking is the process of guarding yourself against manipulative, narcissistic, highly volatile, and overall difficult people.)

Rather than have the emotional work of preparing a communication in your head, have the robot do it. Using prompts like “send this email in a calm, assertive, and warm tone and leave no room for questions” takes your own mental anguish out of the equation. Save yourself some mental space. If you get a nasty reply, it won’t feel as much as a personal attack if it didn’t actually come from you.

6. Kin Keeping

Kin Keeping is the continuance of family traditions. This most often falls on the female partner. She’s the one getting handed down the family heirlooms, expected to host the dinners, retain the traditions during the holidays, and pass the traditions to the children. I personally am a huge fan. My family traditions are very important to me. I want my children to have the same experiences that I did growing up, and I do hope they are inclined to share them with their children. 

This, of course, can be really mentally draining and is the reason we are so depleted on 12/26. Not only do you want to continue your family traditions, but it’s assumed you will also be responsible for your partner’s traditions as well.

If this feels overwhelming (it is) and you aren't sure how to include new traditions with your own, use a robot. You can plug in all of the expectations into a gem and have them make a plan for you. This will help with timing out new meals into a family dinner. Or seating arrangements. Or ideas on how to divide this work into more manageable, shareable tasks.

7. Summer Camps

We used the robots to identify summer camps within a specific age-ranges, commute times, and interests. It fed us all of these and we had it create a tentative summer calendar. The gaps during camps are when we will be taking short trips and hosting company. 

 *** This included alerts and reminders for when the registration dates were. I have this saved and set to repeat next year. One of my favorite mom/life hacks is creating an alerts for next year to warn me about stuff. You can now schedule an email full of useful information and links in advance to help you with this, also.

Honestly, the main reason I am so obsessed with this for mental load is because it is SO NICE to just have all of this shit written down. If it’s in a shared document with my partner, or printed on the fridge for all to see, the work doesn’t have to live solely in my brain. The robots can act as a sounding board trained for your family’s requirements.  

*****Also….  I don't allow my AI to share my prompts and I keep everything set to private. I don't put the names of my kid's schools or actual locations to be on the safe side. (I will include a drive time into the prompt, instead.)

However, to really make this work, you need really good prompts.

It does take some mental downloading. Writing down the steps can be annoying, but it makes it easy to share. I can see tasking the robots to take packing lists from a previous vacation and repurposing it for a different destination. You can upload a gem with websites, favorite links, or entire documents, folders, and spreadsheets. Just please double check your work and make sure you are giving the actual content creator credit (ahem). 

Got any other tips on using AI for mental unloading? Share them here. Xo