Wintering vs Goal setting

(If you are a parent of a school-age child, you will appreciate this.)

For the past 4 years I have been struggling every January. Yes, it might be seasonal affective disorder. Or the post-holiday crash. But I truly think it's my current season.

As a trainer, Januarys were our busiest time of year. I got new faces in my packed-to-the-gills classes, handfuls of new clients setting up appointments, and it just felt like a fun and fresh start.

Having kids in school is the complete opposite. First of all, they don't go back until the second week of the year. Then comes the snow days and school closures. Then my oldest has a birthday (I get in my feels for a week before my babies grow a year older). Then comes the flu or whatever gross thing is infecting their classrooms. Then, right when we can see sunlight for the first time in 3 weeks, it's time to book Summer camp.

January sucks now.

I wish that I could go back and apologize to every single mother I trained before I had kiddos. I truly didn't get it.

However, rather than yell at the grey skies and grump around my house, I am offering a new kind of goal setting for these chaotic years.

What Is Wintering?

 If you have not read the book by Katherine May or heard her speak about this concept, I highly recommend you do so. Wintering is a concept that describes a period of rest, reflection, and renewal. Just as nature slows down in winter to conserve energy and prepare for spring, wintering encourages us to embrace stillness and self-care during challenging or transitional times. It’s not about giving up or hiding away but about honoring the natural cycles of life and allowing space for healing and insight.

Wintering can take many forms. It is also not inactive.

My understanding of wintering is allowing dormancy in order to allow new growth. If you are a house-plant mom, you will notice leaf drop, lack of new growth, and less required watering during the winter months. This doesn't mean your plant is dead. (Or... hopefully not.) This is a natural process where the plants are essentially conserving energy without the constant nurture of the sun. Our plants are prioritizing rest in order to encourage growth.

So, like my spider plant, we can spend the work inward.

Why we should winter before we goal-set

Reflection and rest are the reset we need to create honest goals. We do not wake up as new people on January 1st. Yes, we can all hope for self-improvement and resolve to kick bad habits. But this creates the "shoulding". We should be doing all of these things. We should, but we often simply can't. Moms have all of the excuses because they are facts. I cannot wake up at 5am to go for a run if my kid was sick all night. I probably should not start some crazy diet if that means my whole family won't eat it. I cannot organize my living room if there is a fort in the middle of it. These aren't excuses, these are facts.

January isn't the greatest time for moms to be "shoulding". I have three kids, and I want to spend time with them when they are home. They don't want to watch me workout. I typically shorten my workouts to spend more time with my kids. This isn't how I would start training for my next Triathlon.

So, if we can't really start on our personal goals we can use the time to pause and create systems.

Goal setting is great, but your systems are more important. Our goals are just wishes without them. We need to get very real with ourselves and our priorities when we build systems. These mean honest conversations with our partners and everyone's expectations. My clients who communicate the most with their partners and childcare are the most successful ones. If they sit down to organize when exactly they are exercising, they will get it done. My clients who schedule their workouts and build systems of how to stay consistent are the ones with the biggest results. I wish we could just snap our fingers, but our goals need systems in order to actually happen.

This is a process that requires time, honesty, and a lot of reflection.

Why we might want to winter in the winter.

Rather than fight against the natural rhythms of the climate, we can use this time to align with it. Here's how.

As we plan our new year, let's take a look back.

I am a truly sentimental person who loves to scroll through old photos. I invite you to do the same when planning your upcoming year. Looking back and allow the memories of trips taken, time with friends, etc to flood through. What moments do you hope to recreate this year?

Now- what is missing? Are there places you want to revisit? Or new trips you'd like to take? Is it time to have the conversation about when we will travel to see family? Or should we spend some extra time at camps and save the trips for the holidays? Or vice versa?

Take the time to write down where you hope to be next year.

When we are truly intentional about how we plan our year, it helps plan our days. If I'm hoping to get more running in my calendar, I need to include my top 3 races and book Summer travel in alignment.

If you are a planner, make sure you are including the lessons from last year.

I love to write myself notes for upcoming seasons. For example, I put a note for October 1st with how many bags of halloween candy we went through. November 1st - how many Christmas cards to order. Wintering isn't just about goal setting, it's a process of allowing reflection to guide our systems.

By choosing wintering over immediate goal setting, we give ourselves permission to grow at a natural pace. This approach leads to deeper, lasting transformation.

So, rather than beat yourself up for missing your favorite spin class this week, let's make a plan. I have loads of experience helping new parents create a lifestyle around wellness and goal-setting. Now that I'm a mom myself, (and I finally "get it" now), I have even more tools in my toolbox.

If I can help you build your system, please reach out!

xo SA