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How to have a mother's day that doesn't make you cry.

If I have learned anything from 7 years of being a mom, it’s that Mother’s Day can be a tough one. If you are grieving your mother, grandmother or guardian figure, or struggling with your maternal relationship, this day is especially hard. Parenting in 2024 means re-parenting yourself in a lot of ways. Many of us are cycle breakers and working on our faults in order to be more patient, understanding, and doing our damn best to not royally F*ck up our own children. 

Mothering, parenting, or whatever you want to call it, is tremendously difficult.

Having one day to celebrate ALL of the work you put in on a minute by minute basis is impossible!

This is a day that is an easy one to be left disappointed by, and that’s probably not how you want to feel. 

Let’s begin with a few universal truths.

  1. No one can read your mind. 

  1. The path to happiness is lowered expectations **. 

Here are some frequent outcomes: 

Your kids will wake you up, despite your partner’s best efforts to give you a break/ let you sleep in *

The restaurant you were hoping to order dinner from will be closed. *

Someone will spill coffee all over your new headboard during the obligatory “breakfast in bed” *

Your partner will assume because you “aren’t really into valentine’s day”, you might “not care about mother’s day either” and do absolutely nothing * 

You might get dragged into celebrating everyone else but yourself

Your child’s mother’s day assignment is so upsetting it compels a call to their preschool. * 

You took the “day off” and totally screwed yourself over on Monday *

*happened to me. 

These are obviously not ideal. But they shouldn’t ruin your day. 

To start - You need to communicate absolutely fucking everything to your partner.

Seriously, assume they know nothing. We have all watched the ticky-tockys from other moms, but they, like, aren’t. They don’t know what you want. It’s okay if this is your first one and you don’t know what you want either, but take some time to think about it and have a chat if this might be an issue. Do this the week before, or even Saturday night. 

Don’t expect them to be able to do all of it. If they do, great, but if you end up having to pack a diaper bag or cook dinner they didn’t fail you. Coffee will spill, toddlers will tantrum, and someone will forget a water bottle. This is life, and it’s going to happen. 

Now - for my single mommas and those who don’t have an available partner on Mday

  1. Doordash is your friend. If your littles are unable to help get you breakfast in bed or handle a restaurant, order yourself something special. If you love getting in the kitchen, put something else down that you don’t particularly love instead. (Like pay someone to detail your car or clean your house.)

2.  Hire a sitter or ask for help. Now is a great time to get an extra hand. 

3. Plan the day you want, with something in it for them. Seriously, go to the movies, plan a hike near a playground, or plan a day of gardening where they can plant something they picked out.

4. Enlist friends. We’ve done potluck brunches and BBQs with our friends so not everyone has to plan a meal and it’s been great. More play for them and less work for you. 

5. Remember that you can celebrate yourself at ANY time. You can avoid sitter surcharges and overcrowded brunches by going NEXT weekend. Or buy yourself flowers on Monday when they’re super discounted. You deserve to be celebrated at all times, and if this weekend isn’t the best way to do that, do it whenever is most convenient.

Seriously, communicate all of this before the weekend. Your partner cannot read your mind. I think this holiday feels particularly heavy because we do SO much for our families and how we want to feel appreciated will be different for everyone. I think social media can make this especially shitty, so this might be a day to be off your phone. 

Know that you are deeply loved and appreciated, and you deserve all the macaroni necklaces and drawn baths. There is truly not enough spa days to equal all the work you put in as a parent. 

I hope you have an amazing day filled with love and get to spend some time taking some time out for YOU, however you decide to celebrate!

How are you celebrating!? Leave any of your favorite ways in the comments!

Want a quick workout you can do on your special day? Go here

*** I love this quote from What Fresh Hell so much. Go check them out if you haven't already!****


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