40 is the new 20

One of my favorite parts of my job is being able to connect with women all over the globe. Many of us are in different phases of parenting. Some are just having their first baby, recovering from their last baby, or seeking help creating a lifestyle of exercise with older kids and crazed routines.

When I hear trends in these conversations that might be helpful, I share them

With many of us having our babies later in life, your 40s are the new 20s.

The 20s are fantastic. We are new adults, ready to take on the world with endless possibilities. We've graduated or moved away from home, traveled, and sought new identities as new baby adults. With this new freedom came new responsibilities, and it took time to figure out exactly what path you might take in life.

Your 40s are also fantastic. Many of us are finished, or close to finishing our families. We've got decades of fulfillment in our lives with rich friendships, knowledge, and adventures under our belts. However, many of us feel the same pressure and heaviness of "what comes next" as we start this new chapter. Maybe you are heading back to work after babies, and ready for a complete career shift. Maybe you are feeling stuck. Or feeling like your family isn't quite complete.

I am noticing a pattern of unease in many of my newly 40 clients, and completely feel the same. There's a bit of a midlife reckoning where we suddenly are leaning into the self-help aisle and needing more spiritual clarity. We’ve got more responsibilities keeping us from backpacking through Europe, but we’ve got a lot more experience and a lot more wisdom.

I've often said to friends that more women would have classic "midlife crises" if we could. You can't (shouldn't) put a carseat in a convertible sports car. We can't jet away for an extended vacation without coordinating childcare for weeks in advance. Many of us with older kids don't have family who can watch our young kids in the way that we experienced when we grew up. We now take "vacations" with our kids, and they are as relaxing as they sound. I think this is why we all sound so exhausted.

That doesn't mean you are cemented to your current situation. It takes bravery and support, but you can absolutely change courses. I'm so proud of my clients who have decided to get "selfish". I think it's actually quite the opposite. Going back to work, leaving a failed relationship, taking an extended no-kids vacation, starting a new hobby, etc, takes courage. Showing your kids that you are a person will only strengthen your relationship.

Moving here from Los Angeles to Grand Rapids Michigan was a change I never could have anticipated. I'm a city mouse, and I like my freedom and anonymity that comes with big cities. I traded in my convertible sports car for a giant SUV full of snack dust and soccer cleats. But I have freedom here that I never would have without the support I have now. Our little subdivision feels like what parenting should be. Weekends are filled with kids running free and I've been able to sneak away for mommy retreats without any guilt. I don't know if we will be here forever, but it's perfect for right now.

In many ways, many of us have new freedoms. Once you are out of the days of newborn fog, toddler jail and your kids are in school full time, you have a ton of freedom. Take it from someone who is starting over (yay geriatric pregnancy!) the school-aged kids are way more fun. I'm team "It Gets Better".

My point is, turning 40 isn't a landslide to the end. Yes, you need to get mammograms, check your hormones, eat more fiber, and probably change up your workouts. But this doesn't mean you can't have any fun. Book the trips, draft the manuscript, go for the geriatric pregnancy, change careers, sign up for pottery lessons. Your life isn't over. You just might want to have a chat with your ambitious, bright-eyed, 20-year old self, and see where she wants to go next.

xo